


alone

by inactive_pseud_sorry



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, maybe contains manga spoilers? not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-28
Updated: 2014-07-28
Packaged: 2018-02-10 17:48:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2034303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inactive_pseud_sorry/pseuds/inactive_pseud_sorry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>he goes to the sea, but something is missing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	alone

**Author's Note:**

> Listen to Daudalogn by Sigur Rós while reading this fic to add x10 the pain and sadness.

When the boy with hair like the sun first touches ocean water, he feels nothing. Not joy or excitement or even sadness. There is no feeling, there are no tears or screams of happiness. He is…… empty.

_“We’ll see it together!”_

Part of him thinks that maybe they are seeing it, their spirits already merging with the changing ocean tides. The realist that he is knows that it’s not true. He is alone. This is not the dream he wanted. This is not…… this is not his wish. His calm demeanor dissipates and he digs his fingers into the wet sand. 

A scream etches it’s way up his throat out out of his mouth. “You’re supposed to be here! I’m not supposed to be alone!” He looks up, into the sky, but while he sees a vast orange and pink sky with one, the other is only carved with darkness. The girl, once she had left her crystal, made sure of that. _But I cannot hate her. I can only hate myself._

_I can only… hate my own being._

A hand rests on his shoulder, but he pushes it away. “Go away. I don’t want you here,” he yells, stretching out his fingers underneath the sand. The individual behind him does not move, and instead starts talking in a low, quiet voice.

“Do you think you are the only one to lose someone? Are you that self-absorbed?”

The blond boy turns his head and looks into Jean’s eyes. They are still and motionless as a quiet lake, unwavering. When Armin doesn’t respond and instead looks down at his feet, he continues. “You’re not alone. Think it all you like, but I’m your friend too, and so are the others. This isn’t like before, when the walls were all still intact.”

After a few minutes of silence, listening to the waves lap against the shore, Armin replies with, “You’re right.” Jean doesn’t answer, so he continues. “But they were supposed to be here. It’s-- It’s not the same.”

“.....I know.” The other boy’s voice is soft and broken when he answers, and the blond-haired boy can’t help but wonder how much these deaths have affected him. More silence ensues, and Armin runs one hand through the cool water. This isn’t what he had expected, exactly. _Maybe it’s just different because they aren’t here to see it with me._

“I wonder,” Jean whispers, his eyes drilling into the ground, “Would his- I mean, would they be proud of us? Did we do what was right, in the end?”

His answer comes out without a pause. “Yes.” The boy with two-toned hair looks over at him, his eyes sad and curious. Armin repeats his answer. “Yes, they would. We-- we did what we had to.”

In the setting sun, he flashes back to gory images he had tried to forget, arms separated from their bodies, strewn about and then burned, the sight of the traitors holding hands as they died in the flames. Even though he had seemed so sure of his answer, how could anyone ever be sure that the end of a human life was worth it? Their humanity was considered debatable by people like Levi, but Armin knew they had been human, just like…. just like his friend. 

His friend with the short brown hair and fire in his heart.

A warm hand works its way into his, and he looks over at Jean once more. The other boy is looking out across the ocean and past the horizon. He looks like he might float away, so Armin grips his hand tighter. _I won’t lose anyone else._ Tracing his thumb over the other hand, he closes his eyes. _I won’t._

“Hey, Armin,” Jean begins, his voice a low drawl as he leans into the blond boy’s shoulder, “I hope that I can make you feel less lonely.”

A small blush spreads across Armin’s cheeks, and he scoots over, his uniform getting covered with sand, so that Jean can fall into the crook of his neck. The sun has almost set, disappearing over the edge of the horizon and sending its last beams of light scattering across the water. Even if he is only seeing it through one eye, the golden-haired boy decides that it is almost the most beautiful thing he has ever seen.

_Almost._ He turns his head and strains to look into Jean’s eyes. His lids are drooping, but a serenity like that of something from nature still reigns in the irises of his eyes. 

Though he knows that Jean is already asleep, his barely audible snores reaching Armin’s ears, he still softly replies to the other boy’s previous statement.

“I hope I can make you less lonely too, Jean.”


End file.
